Brothers

We got Elijah's newborn pictures the other day and they are absolutely amazing!! Our photographer is a volunteer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep but couldn't take Caleb's pictures the day he was born because she was actually one of our nurses. I am eternally grateful for the volunteer photographers that work for NILMDTS. I know it has to be hard for them but what a gift they are giving families who have just tragically lost their babies. We will forever have our pictures of Caleb because of these loving men and women.

Elijah looks a lot like his big brother so I wanted to post some more pictures of Caleb with Elijah. They are the cutest brothers!! Oh how I wish that we could all be in one photo but I look forward to the day that we will all be reunited in Heaven for eternity.

Our beautiful sons!


Oh how we love our boys!

I get to see a little bit of Caleb in Elijah every day.


Fingers and Toes!!

And I posted these last two of Elijah because they are just too darn cute to not share!!

Love,
Miranda

All over the place..

That's where this blog is going to go. I feel robbed, redeemed, blessed, angry, joyous..so many feelings all over the place.

As Elijah grows and changes everyday I can't help but feel that my joy of having him here with us is missing something. I have contemplated it and contemplated it trying to figure it out. What is it that I can't completely feel joyous and complete? I know the absence of Caleb constantly weighs on me and that is evident but there seems to be something else. Something that is holding me back. I have figured it out...I feel robbed. Maybe you understand that statement and you have felt it before. I feel robbed of the true joy of bringing home my first born child. I feel robbed of being able to enjoy my second child without the sorrow of missing my first one. I see it in the faces of my friends who just had their first babies. The complete newness and joy met by the experience of taking care of their newborns. That was taken from me. I experienced a first pregnancy, a first delivery and the exciting anticipation of bringing home my first born child and then...it didn't happen. The "firsts" ended at the beginning. Then, I went through my second pregnancy, second delivery, second anticipation but everything after that was new and full of firsts. It's backwards..it's not how it was supposed to happen.

And so this brings on the biggest thing I have tried to avoid since losing Caleb...Anger. I am angry! It's not fair, it's not right..back and forth. Why can't I have those things? Why can't I have that experience? The only thing that escapes this anger is prayer. I pray for God to instill in me positive thoughts and the ability to see the good in the mist of the bad. I can imagine that other people feel robbed. A child who has never known their biological mother or father, the spouse who was cheated on, the infertile married couple, those of us who have lost our child. The very things in life that we dream of, hope for, love have all been unexpectedly and out of our control taken from us. The natural process of life has been disturbed and disrupted. Where is God in all of this? Doesn't he care? YES, I go there sometimes. Does it mean that I don't have faith or hope? No, those are the very things that I cling to. It's the natural feeling of loss..complete, utter, terrible loss.

Redemption. I can't count how many times I have heard in my life "time heals" "give it time" This has proven to be true to me in my healing in grief. The past year has been full of healing and redemption from the overwhelming pain and sorrow of losing Caleb. God has proven His faith to us time and time again. We had Caleb's funeral the Saturday after he was born. It was January 17th, a very cold day. That week leading up to the funeral was full of decisions. What songs do we want? What kind of flowers? What will Caleb wear? Do we want to leave things in his casket with him? Where do we want to bury him? We have to pick out a plot to lay him to rest, etc. Thankfully our preacher made most of the contacts for us and gave us suggestions. I mean, how does a young couple who just had their first child make these kinds of decisions? I remember getting ready the morning of the funeral. Should I even attempt to wear make up? My eyes so swollen from the crying couldn't be helped with any amount of mascara that would come off anyway. I didn't want to go...how could I face all those people? I was going through the motions trying to be strong for Josh and the rest of my family. I didn't want to say good bye..this was the last day I would see my baby's earthly body. The last time I would get to touch him and feel his physical presence. Josh and I wrote a letter to him and put it in his casket. We also put in there the wedding band that Josh had initially bought me before we got married and some pictures of us in places we had gone while I was pregnant with him.

I was shocked at the amount of people who were there for this child that they already loved but had not met. When it was time to walk down the isle towards Caleb in his little casket at the front of the church with all the people in there all I could think was "I am too young for this" "I am too young to have to go through this and bury my child" "My life is over..where do I go from here?"

Once it was all over and the food stopped coming and the cards were no longer in the mail there we were..Josh and I left alone in a quiet house. No baby, complete loneliness. I would look at pictures of me and us and think "I was so happy then" "I had no idea that this is what my life would hold" "I will never be that person again" "Please, God just take me back to that person who didn't know she would lose her child. She was so carefree and innocent, protected from this extreme grief." "Please God just take it all back" I would literally pray that hoping it would come true. I couldn't even take a shower by myself. Josh would have to help me or I would fall apart..I couldn't be alone. The first few weeks that we were out of work Josh and I would sleep most of the day and lay in bed just clinging to each other and crying, praying for God to have mercy on our souls. I didn't wear makeup for the first month after Caleb was born because it was useless..I would cry it off anyway.

As I look back to last spring and a large part of the summer I do not remember much. I went back to work 3 weeks after Caleb was born but I barely remember being there now. It was so painful to go back to the same place that I had spent everyday with Caleb at. My poor students..I would give them an independent assignment and then sit at my desk in a daze or staring at the computer for the rest of their period. I wouldn't leave my classroom and talk to anyone. I couldn't face them, I couldn't be the person I was before. I didn't even know who I was anymore and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be left alone to drown in my sorrow. I was barely functional. I don't remember much about anything during those first months. I thought I would feel that way forever and the pain would never go away.

I don't say all of this to make you sad or feel sorry for us. I say it all to get to this point...God is good. He saw us through those dark days. Days that I didn't know how to survive or was even quite sure that I would. He had mercy on our souls and brought to us the things that we needed to go on. During that time of extreme grief I met another women who had lost her baby 2 weeks before me. It was so relieving to talk to someone who knew exactly what I was going through and felt how I did. Then I met 2 more women who had lost their babies too. I firmly believe that God brought these women into my life to help me along the way. His plan is perfect and He has blessed us with so much.

In the past year we have experienced just about every emotion possible. God has changed us and molded us despite what we were feeling. I won't say that I have "moved on" as I never will move on away from my sweet Caleb but I have definitely been redeemed. My hope is renewed and my faith is strong. God has taken us and Caleb and used us for His glory. Am I that same person that I see in past photos? No. I am a changed person. Not for the better and not for the worse, just changed. Sometimes I am still confused with who I am and am still not quite used to this "identity" of losing a child that I will forever bear but I like who I have become. I am new and different in many ways. I will forever be able to empathize with people who lose their loved ones tragically and especially relate to moms who have lost their child. My prayer is that God will use that to help others one day so that they can come out on the other side of grief.

If you feel that life has robbed you in some way and have a testimony as to how the Lord has redeemed you despite of it I would love to hear about it. You can leave an anonymous posting or email me at mirandajh421@yahoo.com. Also, if you knew Caleb and have a testimony as to how his short life and passing affected you I would love to hear that too.

Soo..Elijah! He has got to be the most precious thing on this Earth (well, he is on MY earth). He gives us so much joy and happiness. I am so proud of him too. I have been taking him out a lot more lately (shopping, eating lunch, etc) and he is so good!! He hardly every fusses and most of the time sleeps right through everything. I love being at home with him. I know this is crazy but most of the time I look forward to waking up with him in the night. It's just me and him together in the quietness of the night and when he falls asleep (on my chest!) I just lay there and stroke his head and hands thanking God that he is healthy and thriving right there in my arms. What a miracle!

He just started smiling big!! It's the most amazing sight I ever seen. He is getting so big too..he has rolls on his legs!! Here are some recent pictures...he is 8 weeks old today!

Love,
Miranda

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:2-4

Watching football with his daddy. Look at those rolls!!

One year ago.

It was 4:30 am when I woke up feeling a pain that I had never felt before. I looked at my phone to see what time it was. I knew the pain was contractions. I was only 36 weeks and 5 days pregnant but I had the feeling all along that I would have my baby boy early. I laid in bed a little while longer, looking at my phone and timing each contraction, before waking Josh up. I couldn't sleep any longer. I knew this was it and we would be going to the hospital. I couldn't sleep because I was so excited and anxious and wanted to get up and get ready. I took a shower while Josh still slept and began to finish packing (I had already packed my bag!). I put away all the gifts we had gotten from the shower the day before and washed Caleb's new clothes and bottles. I got on the computer to email my work and let them know that I wouldn't be coming in today and then I ordered pacifiers with Caleb's name on them. Josh got up and put the stroller together and the car seat in the car. He made us pancakes and we sat down and ate breakfast together. I was making sure the house was clean as I knew our family would be staying there and coming over. We were both practically dancing around the house in excitement and anticipation. I remember Josh saying "our boy is coming today!" I mentally made a note of the things that we didn't have yet (like a pack and play we were going to put Caleb in to sleep the first few months) and hoped we would have time to get them before going to the hospital. Josh had his phone and pen and paper out and I would tell him when I was having a contraction so we would know how far apart they were. Around 8:30 my contractions had become about 5 minutes apart so we called the doctors office. They told us to come straight in.

When we got to the Dr. office we sat in the waiting room and again, we were glowing. I wanted to tell everyone in there that we were having our baby today! They called us back to the exam room and the nurse practitioner came in. She asked us a few questions and then examined me to see how dilated I was. Only 1 cm. She said we could go home to let my labor progress and then come back later in the afternoon to see where I was. I was excited with that news and thought we could spend the day getting the rest of what we needed. "Before you leave let's do an ultrasound really quick to see if his head is down. I would hate for you to walk around all day in labor. If his head isn't down and we have to do a c-section we will send you on over to the hospital now" was her next sentence. I am not sure if this is standard procedure but if it isn't I'm not sure why she said that. I am so grateful that we didn't leave that day still thinking that everything was ok and spending the rest of the day in excitement. I believe it would have been even harder once we found out Caleb was already gone.

I remember being soo excited as I got dressed and walked to the next room. We were going to get to see our boy again on the u/s. I remember very vividly where the room was, what the smells were and how I felt as I layed on the exam table. As the NP ran the u/s wand over my stomach I was watching the screen in excitement and anticipation. I looked at Josh and smiled. I could see the excitement and anticipation in his eyes too and it made me fall in love with him even more. I could see that Caleb's head was down as she ran the wand over my stomach again and again. We were so excited that we didn't notice at first that she was taking a really long time to look for his head to be down and we didn't notice anything unusual in the u/s. Then as I looked at her face I knew something was wrong..she said "Um, let me go get the dr. There's something about his amniotic fluid and he will be able to see it better. He's the expert on this stuff" As she walked out of the room I felt a knot in my stomach but tried not to worry. The dr. came in so quickly that we didn't even really have time to think. I felt sick. He took the wand and ran it over and over my stomach. My head was spinning and I couldn't even tell what was going on on the screen. After what seemed like 10 minutes he gave us the earth shattering news "Here's the baby's head and here is where his heart is. I am so sorry but there is not heartbeat, your baby has died" It didn't even take a second for it to sink in, I immediately lost it. I couldn't look at Josh but I rolled over and he held my head as we both moaned and cried. I just kept saying "no, no, no" As we gathered our composure I sat up and noticed that our NP was also crying. She told us that she had already called the hospital and to head on over there, they would be waiting for us. She lead us out the back door. I don't even know how we got to the hospital, both Josh and I were crying hysterically as we started to call our families to let them know.

I didn't want to go to the hospital. It wasn't going to be the experience that I had envisioned and dreamed of. when we walked up on the L&D floor we were both still crying and I remember seeing the sad faces of the nurses working there. We were immediately taken to the room at the end of the hall and I was prepped to give labor. Seriously? I was going to have to give birth to my unliving child? I had never heard of such a thing much less thought it would happen to me. It was horrifying. Everything was in a daze and even now though I remember the small details I don't remember everything about being in the hospital..I don't know how the hours passed. When I think of it now I only remember the details as they happened and nothing in between. I was given strong pain medication and that along with the shock was enough to make me very loopy and out of it.

One of the nurses came in to talk to us about having pictures taken by an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" Josh and I agreed without hesitation. I remember getting the epidural and not too long after that having Caleb. I only labored for a few hours before it was time to push. I only pushed 2 times and he was born. I was trying to be so strong but was very thankful that it was over so quickly. I remember vividly the moment Caleb was born. It was 4:16pm. There was no, "yeah, congratulations". No screaming baby. Only the sound of my cries and the thick of sadness and sorrow from everyone in the room.

I don't remember the exact moment they gave Caleb to me to hold. I know it wasn't long after he was born as we had requested that he be cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket first. I don't know why or how but somehow I knew that his little body was going to be fragile and delicate and I didn't want anyone to see him like that, including Josh and I. I do remember however how soft his skin felt, his smell and the weight of him in my arms. We held him for a long time telling him how much we loved him, holding his tiny hands and stroking his head. Later that night as we lay in the bed holding our sweet Caleb our pastor did a service for him with our family in the room. We prayed over him and thanked God for his short life. I was still in such a state of shock that I (as I look back now) had no idea what had just happened to me. All that I knew was that I couldn't stop crying and that my baby was still and silent, never to come home with us. All I could think was NO, this isn't happening. I want to rewind my life and take it back to yesterday when my baby was still alive. I don't want this, I don't want this life without my son.

That is the story of the day Caleb was born. We are not sure exactly when Caleb passed on from this Earth and joined Jesus in Heaven. It had to have been over the weekend sometime. It's been really hard to accept that I didn't know my baby boy was not healthy and passed away inside of me as I unknowingly and blissfully walked around. My body had failed me and I had failed my child. What kind of mother was I? So much guilt and shame plagued me. So many questions.

I plan to write more this week about the days and weeks that followed this day one year ago. But now i want to let you all know how we spent Caleb's birthday today.

I woke up this morning around 2am with Elijah. His diaper had leaked and his outfit was wet so I went to his room to get another outfit for him. As I walked in a huge wave of sadness hit me. His room one year ago was ready for Caleb to come home to. The walls were the same color and the furniture was the same. It just hit me and I was overwhelmed. Caleb isn't here. It's been one year and the pain is just as real and heart wrenching as it was then. Oh how I miss him so! I couldn't think about it too much as I had a 5 week old crying and needing me. Elijah was pretty fussy today and my mind and body was very much preoccupied most of the day. I thought about Caleb and felt sad but my concentration was on Elijah. When Josh got home I got ready and we went to Caleb's grave. Neither one of us had prepared a letter or balloons or anything. We had thought about it but we just wanted to go there and remember Caleb. We wanted to remember that though we were sad and this day one year ago was devastating we were also joyful for the short time we had with our first son. Though he is not here with us now we will see him again someday and man what a party they must be having in Heaven for him. A better party than we could ever give! The day that we had Caleb Josh and I both knew that we wanted to try right away to have another baby. Not long after we buried Caleb I remember visiting his grave and telling him that on his 1 year birthday we would bring his brother or sister to see him. Oh how we rejoiced that we were able to do that today. Though it was really cold outside we bundled up Elijah and took him to see his big brother today. We took pictures and prayed, thanking God for everything he has done for us this year, though it be hard.

After we left the cemetery we went to publix and got a birthday cupcake for Caleb. I was going to make a cake for him but 1. I didn't really have the time and 2. Josh doesn't eat sugar so I would be the only one eating the whole thing. I have a friend who lost her 18 yr old son 20 years ago and she told me not long after we lost Caleb that every year on her son's birthday she and her family get together to celebrate and they eat his favorite foods. I thought that was neat and thought about what I craved and ate when I was pregnant with Caleb..chik-fil-a. I ate there all the time when I was pregnant with him. It only seemed fit that we eat there on his birthday to celebrate him. After that we went to Wal-Mart to get diapers and then back home. It was our first big outing with Elijah by ourselves! What a way to celebrate by taking Elijah out!

At home we sang happy birthday to Caleb and watched the DVD that NILMDTS made. I will post the video soon so you all can see what a great and wonderful job they did and see more pictures of Caleb (right now my CD/DVD drive doesn't work on my computer). We showed the DVD at Caleb's funeral and haven't seen it since. It was very emotional to see and that was the hardest part of the day. All in all though it was a good day. A day of celebration of Caleb's very short life but also a day of sadness because he isn't here with us now. I can only imagine what he would be like running around as a 1 year old. The rest of this week is going to be hard as well as I remember coming home, planning and having the funeral. I hope to write more..

We had several friends and family call, email or text us today (thank you) and let us know that they are thinking of us. It warms my heart and makes me so happy to know that they remembered my sweet Caleb's birthday. It is a day that we will celebrate the rest of our lives.

Oh, and we went to the Dr. yesterday (our Friday appt. was cancelled due to bad weather). Elijah now weighs 8 pds 9 oz and is 21 1/2 inches long! Can you believe that? He has gained almost 3 pounds!! What a chunky monkey! And he is perfectly healthy!

Here are some pictures we took during our outing and celebration for Caleb. I really wanted to post pictures of Caleb but they are all on a CD and as I said before my drive isn't working. I hope to post them soon.

Love,

Miranda

Elijah wasn't happy to be so bundled up but he got over it quickly.

We are so happy that we could bring Elijah to see his big brother on his birthday.

I love love this picture!!!

What a cutie! Our visit to Chik-fil-A. He was so good!!

Ya think he might be warm in there?? I love this thing, it makes me feel more confident about taking him out in this cold weather.

We didn't get a candle to go on the cupcake so we lit this votive and blew it out after we sang Happy Birthday

Josh built a cozy fire for us to snuggle up next to!

Remembering

I have been doing a lot of remembering lately. Caleb's birthday is in two days and we are at a loss as what to do. Part of me wants to do nothing and just try to get through the day. Part of me wants to do something special for Caleb. Is his birthday, the day we found out we had lost him, a good day or a day to try to not remember the horrific pain of that news? I celebrate the days that I had with him alive inside of me but it's hard to think of how to celebrate the day he was born still and silent. My friends who have already crossed this milestone say that the days leading up to their stillborn babies birthday were more painful than the birthday itself. I am finding that to be true. As I think of this time last year I am remembering the last days that I had with Caleb and the last moments he was alive. I remember very vividly everything that I did the weekend before he was born and every moment of the morning we went to the doctor only to find no heartbeat for our precious baby boy. Many of my close friends and family that read this blog know the story of what happened. Some of you may not know all of the details and some of you may not know the whole story.

The Monday before Caleb was born, January 5th, was my last Dr. appt I would have. The dr. came in and when he listened to the heartbeat I thought that it sounded slower than any of the times before. When I expressed this to him he blew me off as an overparanoid first time mother and said that it was normal and everything was ok. We scheduled an ultrasound for a week from Wednesday. I had already expressed to the Dr. the appt. before that Caleb had stopped moving as much as he used to. She told me that it was normal and as the baby gets bigger they will move less. She told me that as long as I felt him "shifting" he was ok. I felt him shifting every day. I know that all babies are different and these things could or could not have indicated that something was wrong but they sure did bring on a lot of guilt and anger for me for a long time after we lost Caleb.

Later that week, Thursday January 8th and Friday January 9th, I went to a conference in Atlanta for work. On the way there I stopped and had lunch with Josh and remember telling him that I felt kind of funny and was worried that something was wrong. We both decided that we had just been to the Dr. and everything was fine. I am not typically much of a worrier so I didn't give it a second thought after that day. The conference was fun and I remember almost every detail of what I wore and who I talked to during those two days. Friday afternoon I had a horrible headache and had to drive home with a migraine. As soon as I got home I layed on the couch and remained there the rest of the night. Josh was having a movie night at the church for the youth and I was so disapointed that I didn't get to go.

Saturday morning, January 10...exactly one year ago today, we woke up and got ready to go to my brother's house. He was cooking dinner for my birthday and we were doing Christmas with my dad. On the way there we stopped at Trader Joe's to stock up on quick foods to have once Caleb was born so we wouldn't have to cook. We still hadn't decided on a name for our baby boy but had been talking about the name Caleb. On the way there I read about Caleb in the Bible to Josh and we decided that we would for sure name him that (after the story of Caleb and Joshua). We told my dad that night that we were going to give him the middle name Michael after him.

Sunday, January 11th, we went to church that morning as usual. After church Josh and I went this italian restaurant down the street from our house. I remember that it was really cold and windy that day and I remember what I ate. That afternoon the ladies at our church gave me a baby shower. It was really nice and we got lots of great stuff. When I got home I went through every single thing and showed it to Josh and told him who had given it to us (as I had done for every shower!). That night I went to our small group bible study. It was a great time of fellowship and I was big and pregnant and really happy about it. Our pastor prayed for our baby during his prayer that night. We went to bed that night as usual ready for another typical work week.

I remember every detail of every one of these days down to what I was wearing. I remember being so incredibly happy and thanking God everyday for the gift of life that was growing inside of me, for my wonderful husband, for great family and friends. I remember thinking that I had never been so happy in my entire life. I was blissfully full of pure joy like I had never experienced before. Everything in my world seemed just right...I didn't know...I didn't know that in less than 24 hours we would receive the most earth shattering news that would change our lives forever and rock our world. I didn't know that I was spending the last moments of my first child's life inside of me and that he could have already been gone. I didn't know that my innocence would forever be gone and I would spend the rest of my life longing even more for Heaven because that's where my son is. I just didn't know...

Bittersweet...

So, obviously I am not very good at this keeping up with a blog thing! One of the reasons I was reluctant to start one in the first place! My blog friends are so good about posting every few days and I truly admire them for it. They are always so eloquent in their writings too...I don't feel that I can measure up! I realized today that I haven't posted in almost 3 weeks! I've thought about posting and even thought about what I would say if I did but then never got around to it. We have been very busy and preoccupied with all the festivities of the holidays. I have to say though that our holiday season has been beyond awesome! Lots of family and friends and of course the most perfect baby boy to hold in our arms and share it with. I promise to do better about updating my blog because really, I do have a lot to say!

So, on to what this blog is really about..my boys!! Elijah is just so perfect! I don't mean to say that in the sense that everything is going perfectly with him. As with all newborns it's been hard for him to adjust to eating and formula (I decided to stop breastfeeding) and waking up every 2 hours isn't always fun either. We have had a time with his tummy issues..he's constipated, he has diarrhea, he has diaper rash...and getting it sorted out is frustrating! It's all totally worth it though..every time I get up in the middle of the night with him, no matter how tired I am, I am happy to get to hold him, feed him and yes, even change his stinky diaper! He really is a good baby and mostly only cries when he is hungry! Every second spent with him is full of amazement, joy and gratitude that he is actually here with us and I am holding him in my arms. Each day his features are becoming more pronounced and when he is awake and bright eyed he is so gorgeous that I almost cry. Having him is everything that I hoped and dreamed it would be and even after a month Josh and I can't believe that we are so blessed.

Before I had Elijah I wondered how his presence would affect my longing and sorrow for Caleb. My heart longs for Caleb and I miss him terribly but I know that I haven't been fully aware of what I have been missing since he was born. I didn't know what it feels like to have my baby sleeping soundly on my chest and feeling his breathing (the sweetest thing on earth!!). Now that Elijah is here and I am experiencing everything with him it is so evident to me all the things that I will never see or feel or know about Caleb and it hurts, deeply. My arms have felt so empty for Caleb since he was born and I thought that having Elijah would ease that pain. Elijah has filled my arms but the ache for Caleb still remains and will forever. I have cried more in the past month for him than I have in a while. When I look at Elijah I see Caleb in him and it only makes me long for him to be here all the more. Overwhelming joy and sorrow..an incomprehensible emotion.

Christmas was bittersweet as we missed Caleb but rejoiced in having Elijah. I couldn't help think about last year's Christmas and New Year's and how Caleb was alive and thriving in my belly. Everything we envisioned for the following year included him. We had no idea what 2009 would bring..we thought it would be a new life bringing us joy yet 2009 has been the the worse year of our lives. I know that God was preparing the way for us and has seen us through it. As 2010 begins I hope that God has great things in store for us but most importantly that we serve Him faithfully despite what it may bring.

My sister, brother in law, niece and nephew came to visit from out of town for Christmas and the new year and stayed with us. We celebrated Christmas several different times with the rest of mine and Josh's family and we had close friends visit. This had to be the best Christmas I have ever had and was a great ending to an otherwise unpleasant year. Elijah is definitely a loved child and for that I am grateful. Here are some pictures of our holiday fun! I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.

My nephew, Aaron, holding Elijah.

"My first Christmas" outfit on (it had pants too but I was too hot!)

My niece, Kaitlyn, holding Elijah (doesn't he look like a baby doll?)

Out to eat on New Year's Eve!

My H&M outfit!! I took this one today...he is getting so big and chunky! I think he has to weigh almost 8 pounds by now. We go to the Dr. on Friday for his 1 month checkup and I will let you know!

Love,
Miranda