Happy Thanksgiving!

This Thanksgiving is full of emotions for us. This is the first big holiday we have spent without Caleb. This time last year he was living and well inside of me and we spoke of the things we would do with him this year. We thought last year's Thanksgiving was the last one we would spend without a living child by our side. Oh how God's plans are so different from ours. Never would we have imagined that God's plan for us this year was to have not only 1 child but 2 added to our family. Though Caleb is not here with us physically he is ever present in our hearts and our minds and though we miss him terribly we know he is exactly where he should be. We only have 1 week from today until we get to meet our second son here on earth and God willing hold him in our arms alive and well. God has blessed us tremendously in the past year, more than we could ever imagined or asked for. Though it is not the way that we thought we would want it, we have been so blessed. There are so many things to be thankful for God for.

First, we are thankful that God blessed us with the short time we had with Caleb and that we have the assurance that he is in Heaven with our Lord. We are thankful that God sent His son to die on the cross for us so that we have the promise of Heaven and that we will be reunited with Caleb there one day. There is no greater comfort for us than knowing that. We are thankful for the many many people who did so much for us during our extreme sorrow and grief the week leading up to Caleb's funeral and the several weeks after. Our families, friends and church made things more bearable and we couldn't have gotten through those first few weeks without them. We thank God for His mercy and grace to get us through everyday knowing He was by our side and knows too well the pain of losing a son.

We are so grateful for the L&D staff for their gentleness, sensitivity and love they showed toward us during our stay at the hospital and for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep for taking pictures of Caleb that we will cherish forever. We are thankful that we found a new doctor who was willing to run every test there is and find out what happened to Caleb and what we could do to prevent it in the future. Her sensitivity to us and her attentiveness has made our second pregnancy a much more pleasant experience. We are thankful that we could find what happened and that God blessed us with getting pregnant so soon.

We are so very grateful for beautiful precious baby Elijah whom we pray by this time next week we will be holding alive and in our arms, a miracle and testimony to God's love and grace.

I am very grateful that God has allowed me to meet other women who are on this same journey and that I have gotten to know them so well. I can't imagine my life without these wonderful women and what their friendship means to me! They have been my rock and strength in many confusing and hard times and have given me the comfort of understanding exactly what I was feeling and going through.

If you are reading this we are thankful for you and what you mean to us and our lives.

To to conclude with an update: I went to the doctor on Tuesday and I am already 2 cm dilated!! I can't believe it! The fact that I am starting to progress already on my own means that I will hopefully progress well with the induction and it will go smooth. I also hope that it means Elijah will be born quickly as my nerves will be a total wreck. Please continue to pray that his lungs will be developed enough to induce on Thursday, the delivery will go well and he will be born a healthy boy!

Love,
Miranda (and Josh)

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name." Psalm 100:4

Little Man..

Yes, Elijah is a little man. We went to the doctor yesterday for our last growth scan and Elijah is measuring a little small at 4 lbs 9 oz. The doctor did not seem concerned at all and told me that he is doing great! His blood flow is great and his amniotic fluid, heartbeat, etc are all really good. Given that Caleb was tiny my heart is only partially satisfied with that answer but I know everything is different this time and I have to trust God and remember that He is in control. Besides..he is not really all that small but I of course want everything to be perfect. He has been better about moving more and we haven't had any more scares lately.

The boy is also camera shy and stubborn!! Every time we have had an ultrasound he hides his face from us. The first several ultrasounds he wouldn't turn around, the last time he kept his hand in front of his face and yesterday he had his leg and foot in front of his face and had his face pressed up against the wall of my uterus. He was not moving either..despite the efforts of the sonographer and I to poke him and move him he wasn't having it. Guess he just wants us all to be surprised when he gets here. Please continue to pray for his lung development and that he will be ready to be born on the 3rd.

Here are some of the pictures we got yesterday. If you can make it out you can see one of his eyes and his tiny nose. At least we got to see his feet and little toes too..they are so cute!! :)

Love,
Miranda and Josh

34 weeks...

I LOVE my belly and I LOVE it when my students say "Mrs. Harris, you are getting BIG!"

Happy Day

Today is a great day! We went to the doctor for our weekly checkup. Each week I am having a NST done on Elijah which pretty much monitors his heartbeat over a period of time to measure if he is getting adequate oxygen. The doctor told us that our baby is a "happy baby" and his results are "textbook" Well, we are happy parents to hear such great news! We also got confirmation on a date and time for induction. I will go in on December 3rd to the specialist and get the amnio done. The test takes about 2 hours to come back and if Elijah's lungs are mature and the doctor feels like he is ready we will go straight to the hospital to be induced. They have already scheduled me to be there around 11:00am. So it's official! Please pray that Elijah's lungs will be developed enough for him to be born that day. If they aren't I will have to go back on the Lovenox shots and we will have to wait until at least Monday Dec. 7th to try again. Overall we are very excited and anxious...3 weeks and 2 days and we will get to meet our baby boy Elijah!!

Wow!

Today has been a crazy day! I woke up this morning about 4:00am and couldn't sleep. I laid there a while and tossed and turned and every night when I do this I wake Elijah up and I can feel him moving and kicking me as to say "go back to sleep mommy, you are bothering me" This morning he didn't move at all when I moved. I started to move from side to side to wake him up but he still didn't move. So I laid there for almost 3 hours praying for him to move and pleading with God to not take another child from me and reciting the verse that I have memorized to get me through everyday.

"So fear not for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10).

I tried a few other measures to get him to move and finally as Josh was about to go to work we decided we should go to the hospital. My doctor has reiterated to me time and time again that if I feel that something is wrong to call her and then just go straight to the hospital if the office isn't open. She sent me there last week because she was concerned and wanted me to be hooked up to the monitor for a couple of hours.

So, this boy is just really stubborn or a really hard sleeper, or both. The moment we got to the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitor to hear his heartbeat he starting moving like mad!! They wanted to keep me on the monitor for about 20 minutes anyway just to be sure. During that time though I started to have contractions show up on the monitor. I didn't even feel them at first but then they started coming on stronger (they hurt!) and were really close. The nurse seemed concerned and started talking like I could be going into labor. Josh and I were thinking "What is going on? This is crazy!" and planning what we would do if Elijah came today. To end the long story...we ended up being there for 4 1/2 hours, they checked me and I was barely dilated 1 cm, doctor said baby is perfect, said they were just Braxton Hicks and sent us home and told me to drink more water and if the contractions became stronger to call them. I am still having contractions but not as strong or as close together and Elijah has been kicking me all day. What a funny boy he is!! Though it was stressful and scary I am so happy that we are well taken care of and every precaution is being made. The nurses at St. Mary's L&D are amazing!! It's going to be a long 4 1/2 weeks.

On a lighter note: We have the nursery ready and I am so proud of it and excited about it so I thought I would share pictures. We had painted the nursery but wasn't finished with it when Caleb was born so we have worked really hard to finish it for Elijah. It's perfect and just what I wanted it to be. Enjoy!

Welcome

I have been thinking about starting a blog since a few weeks after we had Caleb. It has been the many blogs of other women who have lost their babies that I have found refuge and peace this year. Knowing that I am not alone in this journey has had a significant impact on my healing of losing Caleb. For some reason I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. My blog friends are going to be so proud! The reason I have decided to start his blog though is for Elijah and my family and friends. It's been really hard for me to share this pregnancy with some of my family and a lot of my friends. It's different this time. To me pregnancy ends tragically and with sorrow and grief. I can't be blissful like I was with Caleb and I can't help but fear that this pregnancy will end the same way. It's hard to share that with others who are so excited for you but do not understand. So, I realized that I have to do this for Caleb and for his brother Elijah because they deserve it. Caleb's life was not all tragic and it is a true blessing to have had him alive in my womb for 37 weeks. Josh and I knew him..his little personality, his kicks and sleeping cycles. And despite that God took him earlier than we ever wanted or imagined we love him just the same. We were blessed with our first son! Now God has blessed us with another child and oh how we are so in love with him as well. I tried in the beginning of my pregnancy to not get too excited or attached for fear that I wouldn't get to hold this baby alive in my arms either. Then I decided that I couldn't deny my second child the love and excitement that I had for my first. Josh and I are so attached to and in love this beautiful baby boy growing inside of me. We have just about everything perfectly ready to bring him home. I was apprehensive about getting everything ready for him at first but it has given me hope to let myself believe that he will sleep in his crib and we will use all of Caleb's things to take care of him. Would it be any less painful if we don't get to bring him home if we haven't done all of these things? no. Would it be any less painful if we lost him to have never gotten attached to him? no. I have just had a hard time sharing this excitement with everyone else. Maybe I think it would be less painful for them..I don't know. It's easier for me to keep it to myself. But it's not fair to Elijah. I want everyone to be excited for his entry into this world and to celebrate his life so here begins my blog for Elijah and Caleb, my sons.